after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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