You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
