she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
