Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
