the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize