Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
