6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
