I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
