Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
