I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
