I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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