im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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