pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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