there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
