why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
