theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
