You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
