I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
