my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
