dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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