i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
