M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
