The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
