she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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