wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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