Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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