It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize