remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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