it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
