You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
