In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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