Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
