If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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