but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
