just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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