shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
