Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
