what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
