Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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