the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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