glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
