Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
