So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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