There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
