I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
