Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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