Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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