I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
