farters have to be the big spoon...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
