I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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