i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
