well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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