Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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