i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
