You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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