I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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