we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
