Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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