You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
