She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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