I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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