My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
