you guys were way drunker than both of me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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