i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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