I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
