chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had to cum in my sink.
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