This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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