Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
