i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
