You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
