i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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