Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
