he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
