New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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