So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
