Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
