Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
