So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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