making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
