Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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