Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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