when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
